Do you ever get a feeling of being stuck in a moment? of being lost and feeling numb in life? over the years people have continued to tell me to go out and find my passion, that when I find it everything will magically fall in to place and I’ll never work a day in my life because I’d be doing something I enjoy and in doing so making my life easier.
The huge problem with this however is that it has lead me to look for my passion in all the wrong places. That “finding my passion” was the be all and end all of my journey, the holy grail, the pursuit of happiness found in an amazing partner, career, having a family, financial or materialistic gain or external validation that would aid in aligning all of my needs ultimately making me feel fulfilled in every aspect of my life.
Continuing to think my passion was some unattainable secret that had to be uncovered has for the most part kept me looking for something. This has made me feel at times overwhelmed, lost and unfulfilled and that is when the anxiety creeps in. I’m starting to identify that finding your passion is a farce. An idealistic narrative that you’re told to make you comply to social mores
It is stated in the oxford dictionary that “Passion is a strong and barely controllable emotion” to this end I believe that passion is not something you find. It should be something you feel. If I continue to try to find that one thing I was created for, that one thing that was meant for me, that would give my life a deeper meaning, I am going to continue to feel lost and unfulfilled as if I am missing a part of myself. Like I am not whole without it and until I find it nothing will align how it is meant to.
It’s definitely been a challenge to identify that passion can’t be found, that it is not something outside of or separate from myself. In my mirror work practice I’m slowly connecting that passion is internal. It’s an energy that flows within, an energy that I already have within me that I can bring to everything I do in my life. It’s not in what I do but in how I do it. The old adage that money can’t by happiness comes to mind here.
This is why I feel we see and hear more often these days that the ones we’ve been taught to strive to mimic, the ones that have attained all the bells and whistles, the huge net worth, large house, frequent holidays or fame, more often than not experience feelings of depression and being miserable when on the other hand we find those who live with passion, with their internal energy driving them, living a more fulfilled and energised life. Appreciating what they have right now. Regardless of how much they have gained, able to have more frequent enjoyment of each moment and not feeling like they are missing out on something.
Having a clearer understanding that passion is just energy that I already have within me is a comfort because I know that I am the only person that has complete control of how much energy I put in to everything I do. As an anxious person this is great because it means I have all the power and can sway how I can live a more passionate life.
I feel what has enabled me to live a more passionate life is simply starting with the things that I already know give me grounding energy and being consistent with them. Whether it be meandering through the forest and saying hello to the trees, pottering around in my garden, cleansing my surroundings and crystals, preparing a canvas to pour on or simply taking a self care moment to do yoga or a face mask.
Our passion? It’s all in the little things we do for ourselves. The happiness moments that allow us to sit back and breathe and realise that if we can love and work that we are, by Freud’s definition, well adjusted people and the rest is just noise, specifically that my purpose is what I do in servitude for others but my passion is in the little things I do for myself. The energy I choose to live my life by and allow myself to put out in to the world.
Wishing you all safe tidings full of love, light and the understanding that we are all connected by energy in some shape or form so let’s be kind to each other but most importantly be kind to ourselves. 🦋
Mr Gibbous and The Wildling 