Jack Walter Gaffney 22/2/38 – 30/8/17

I had a pop. He was a larger than life Aussie bloke. He loved footy, fishing and having a beer and a yarn with his mates.

His idea of formal attire was his good jeans, flanno and his RM Williams boots. Usually I’d find him though in his polo shirt, short shorts and the same pair of thongs (flip flops) that he’d worked in to fit the shape of his feet perfectly, to go up the bowls club for the meat raffle of a Friday night.

Well it was when I was little anyway. Some of the best times of my life were had running around with the neighbourhood kids and making some great memories getting stuck out on sandbars, running from the “BIG” waves and collecting millions of sea shells, then proceeding to leave them in buckets all over his garage for weeks and weeks. He would grumble about it asking “what the bloody hell are you doing with all those bloody shells” as he tended to do, but he never threw them away. He would continue to grumble and mutter about them for the rest of the summer but the very next summer, id come back and they still be there. And then I’d proceed to collect more. I wonder what ever happened to those shells?🐚

My pop Jack, bought me and my sisters bikes to keep at his place for when we’d visit each holidays. I remember looking at these bloody bikes and imagining breaking all the bones in my body. They were these large thin framed old school bikes that had those really large thin tyres. I refused! I convinced myself I couldn’t ride a bike because I was terrified of what would happen IF i fell off. Old jacky boy told me to shut up and get on and proceeded to push my down his driveway, no helmet or anything.

That’s how I learned how to ride a bike. And how to swim, and fish and play poker -Texas hold ‘em five card draw, he taught me how to mow a lawn and how to stake up a tomato so as to get the best harvest. He taught me how to make friends with wild birds , which gave me a love for feeding the magpies on his back fence, which my mother also does at home, he talked to little green tree frogs 🐸 in his pots out back, he gave me an affinity for old English/Aussie songs, along with a strange sense of nostalgia when I hear the M.A.S.H opening Theme song.

He had an above ground pool out back when we were young, surrounded by wooden decking. I remember running around one day with my sisters and my eldest sister, stepped straight on a rusty nail. Pop pulled that nail out, wrapped her foot in plastic bags and said, all sorted, go swim 😂

He allowed us to be kids, we could do and go and be whatever we wanted as long as we were awake at a reasonable time (which according to him was sparrows & if you weren’t up he’d spray your bedroom window with the garden hose, saying he was watering the garden 😂), as long as we were respectful to our elders, had manners and were home when the street lights came on, he was good.

Pop, he wanted us to go out and live, to learn to see and do. To fall down and scrape our knees but get back up and get on with it anyways. To literally keep our heads above water if we started to drown. He would have a beer with the neighbours while they and we and their kids played wheelie bin cricket until he couldn’t see the ball anymore and he’d call it and we’d all go inside for a BBQ and movies whilst all the girls got their hair plaited by the kids mums

He took us fishing out on boats and taught us how to clean and fillet a fish 🤮 he kept me honest when playing board games cause he wouldn’t allow cheating and to this day if I smell sausages grilling under a griller or have hot chips with chicken salt and sauce on fluffy white bread with butter, I think of him

Things change though, as things tend to do, as families fall apart, and people grow older and move away, we lost touch. I regret that. I miss out on so much with him.

He was a tough love kinda guy and I was intimidated by him growing up. But now, as an adult, through all of the noise of the past, I can see parts of myself in him.

My love of the ocean, my love of all things nature and growing, I remember he had large pothos and monsteras climbing everywhere. Fish tanks all over his house. It’s like looking in a mirror and realising that no matter what happened in the past. Or how things were left at the end. Or the time I lost with him for one reason or another, I’m grateful that I carry parts of him with me through my life and through my actions and beliefs

Miss you pop. Hope you’re having a beer in the sky, kicking back and enjoying the sunshine.

This one’s for you pop ♥️

It’s just a bad day. Not a bad life!

There are times in life when your resilience and strength are tested beyond measure

When you feel like you just get out of bed simply to run through the motions, where you’re treading water to just get through the day

Where you’re tested to your absolute limits and feel like you cross the line from mad to sane multiple times a day.

Where you have to dig to your very core to keep putting one foot in front of the other. At times this feeling can be fleeting, and sometimes, that feeling can last years

Then out of nowhere you have that little spark of a moment, that little flash of gratitude that brings you back to the present

And you can either choose to stay in the deep, treading water until you’re so exhausted that you give up and drown or you can choose to grab on to that little spark of gratitude like the life raft the universe means it to be and build on that feeling of gratitude and love. It is not easy. But it’s your choice. Make no mistake about that!

We can blame others for our lot or we can really show up for ourselves, as hard and uncomfortable as it may be and take responsibility, face up to our most toxic of traits and realise that these tools and traits we used as a coping mechanism to keep ourselves safe and protected through times of trauma

If we put in the work, whatever that may look like, these coping mechanisms will eventually become obsolete and unnecessary because we’ve learnt what was required of us to level up

In times of great pain and suffering, it can be so difficult to remember that. And we fall back in to our feelings and subsequently old toxic patterns which end up hurting us and causing more harm than good. But that’s ok.

We are human beings, we are allowed to fail. We are allowed to stumble and find our way back again. As kids we are celebrated for trying to walk and when we fall every one claps and praises us for trying. As adults we seem to forget that we are allowed to fall down. And when we are down we are allowed to cry and scream and yell. However, we are also allowed to ask for help so we don’t live there

And the more we implement the new healthy outlets and skills we learn while we “put in the work” when we do inevitably fall back in to those old patterns we can bounce back far quicker and with new knowledge and insights in to ourselves and who we are right now

If you’re in pain or you are suffering or you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I understand. You are not alone. But I URGE you. Please. Ask for help! It’s ok to not be ok but it won’t get any better if you do not ask for help and talk to people you love and trust

Sometimes simply talking it out of your own head with someone else can allow you to stop talking things in circles and view things from an alternate perspective and provide relief for something you believe is insurmountable

Hoping for brighter days for all

If you need help please reach out and visit this link https://www.health.gov.au/health-topics/mental-health-and-suicide-prevention/mental-health-and-suicide-prevention-contacts

I’ll be happy when…

Tony Robbins once said “the more rules you have about how people have to be, how life has to be for you to be happy, the less happy you’re going to be” When I read this it made me stop in my tracks. This simple statement had me necessarily questioning and gauging where I currently am in my growth zone.

It pushed me to pause and reflect, to honestly evaluate my toxic traits & those things holding me in old patterns and pulling myself up when finding myself reacting or making decisions purely based on ego. Assessing and addressing those things that for sure do not align with not only my highest sense of self, but that which no longer serves me.

I’m so grateful for this lesson, especially now more than ever during another lockdown, with fear and contentious energy clouding the collective awareness for one reason or another, because It gave me a nudge to look at myself and my life as well as those people in it from all perspectives.

Providing me the knowledge that putting expectations on yourself, your relationships, romantic or otherwise, how you think life ought to be based on ego, what we think we deserve based on ego, can be the biggest cause of feeling unsatisfied with the now. This is what causes a disconnect between what we have and what we think we want.

When we feel disconnected, this is when the negative starts to creep back in and we begin again to react from our toxicity, paving the way back in to old patterns. Its a lesson Wildlings, in reminding ourselves that yes, life is throwing challenges our way and yes we are having to really dig deep to find the resilience that is already inside of ourselves, however it should also be a lesson in gratitude and realising that it could always be worse! Reminding us that we are always one decision away from being in somebody else’s shoes.

The grass is NOT always greener on the other side, it is greener where we tend to it, where we water and feed it, where we put in the work and care for it, so I urge you to keep your heads held up and looking forward. Keep battling your toxic traits to create the life that you’re dreaming of and remain focused on the things that you have to be grateful for, the blessings you have in your life. Find the joy in the little things and remember to keep smiling! 🦋

What if?

There are moments that I find myself continuously questioning everything in my life, down to the minute details of my day to day. Things so mundane like, what if the bus is late, what if I don’t meet a work KPI, what if the lockdown gets extended, what if the roof falls down, what if, what if, what if. It can be exhausting because usually the things that are questioned are the perceived “bad” things. The things that we fear could go wrong and potentially impact us tremendously. Is this conditioning? Are we taught only to question the bad things, the unhappy things, the consequences, the things that we fear could happen? I say yes!

As children most people are taught to fear the unknown, told things like “no Johnny don’t jump in the lake because you’ll catch a cold and get very sick which then means you won’t be able to…”, cause and effect, action and consequence, In so doing removing the childish wonderment of “anything could happen” However, what if little Johnny jumps in the lake and doesn’t get sick? what if he jumps in the lake, you jump too and you both have the time of your life?

Even the definition of the phrase “what if” in the Cambridge dictionary literally states “what if, is used to ask about something that could happen in the future, especially something bad” But WHY does it have to be something bad? Why can’t we question the possibility of something amazing happening in the future? Why are we ultimately conditioned and taught to notice the negative, the bad things and told to set out plans for every possible scenario or conversation that in all likelihood will never actually happen? I think a change of mindset and consciousness is in order here.

I believe that it is definitely ok to ask “what if?” Yet I think it is very important to ask the positive “What if’s” about the possibilities of the future. To ask what if all my dreams come true? What if I do succeed, what if I will get that job, house, partner? Of course these things may not all happen and usually don’t at the time we want them to but what’s to say that they never will? Isn’t that one of the beauties of life? That anything can happen? That’s where the excitement lies. Imagine if we knew what was going to happen in the future, wouldn’t that remove the drive for more? Wouldn’t we be stagnant? Don’t be afraid of the “What if’s”, trust the process.

I urge you to be more conscious and aware of your thoughts, pause once in a while and ask yourself, are my thoughts and actions bringing me closer to my goals? Spend your energy wisely! Invest in yourself and the things that add value to your path. Focus energy on what will allow you to align your vibration to the life you want and deserve. Above all else Wildlings I wish for you to lead with love and leave the world, people and higher consciousness better than you found them

Love and Light

🦋

2021 – Oh, the places you’ll go

Happy 2021 Wildlings, the New Years first full moon In Leo has already come upon us bringing new energy and growth and asking us to reflect on the inner work we’ve put in over the last cycle, to validate where we have come from and where we are going, to remain focused on releasing what no longer serves the higher frequency of self.

Remember to remain focused on your path and be mindful that this next moon cycle brings with it large energy shifts which may cause some emotional upheaval but with that will come a lot of heart and personal growth. If we can remain focused on the bigger picture, trust the process and hold true to our awareness and consciousness, this moon cycle will help by illuminating the path and providing a guiding light for the year ahead.

With that said, I leave you with a favourite prose to guide you on your next adventure with love and light 🦋

Self Care: You are worthy

It has taken me many years to truly believe and understand that we MUST respect our body when it asks us for a break, respect our mind when it is seeking rest and above all to honour ourselves when we need a chapter break. 2020 has been the most challenging year yet but I guess that’s where the growth happens.

Focus on yourself and your goals and remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. YOU deserve all of the love, care and support that you give to others. So do the work for growth, but also identify that sometimes self care is THE MOST important thing you can do. Remember, self love takes so much strength and courage.

It may take some time to find what you really want or what and where your path is actually leading, but please take time to appreciate yourself leading up to the festive season and end of year when everything will be about other people’s wants and needs. Reflect on how far you’ve come and validate that although you may not be where you think you ought to or want to be, you certainly are not where you used to be.

And always remember there’s no growth in your comfort zone, there’s no comfort in your growth zone. Hope you all had a beautiful day and if you didn’t, stop what you’re doing and take a DEEP breath in, hold it for four seconds and exhale slowly and repeat until your focus shifts to calm. Goodness. And realise that yes it may be tough now but if you look at “it” from a different perspective you’ll realise you have a lot to be grateful for

Wishing you all love, light and peace 🦋

Ad astra per aspera: Through adversity to the stars

Here in Melbourne we are still experiencing some of the strictest lockdowns and restrictions internationally. The powers that be keep dangling the carrot in our collective faces that they will be eased soon and to keep the faith, just hold on, we are all in this together, only for it to be extended again and again. I speak from experience, it is so disheartening. I can’t read or watch the news without feeling like I want to cry. I understand of course the need for some restrictions to be in place to keep those at risk safe and that other countries are using refrigerated trucks as morgues for their dead. I see the impacts of this virus however I wanted to give some insights in to what the last 6 months have been like here.

It has been 195 days of being “locked down”, of days not being able to visit family here or interstate, of kids not being able to go to school, of parents having to juggle work and homeschool, of not being able to hug friends and family, of not being able to travel outside of our 5km area, of not being able to get necessities, of curfews (until recently), of people not being able to say goodbye to those that are ill or have passed, to mourn with family or attend funerals, of not being able to go to a doctor with the support of a loved one, of elective surgeries being postponed, of not being able to get allied health treatment, 195 days that the collective mental health of the community has been impacted every day, of people taking their lives due to lockdowns, of people losing their homes, income or family members and friends to this pandemic.

People say, Melbourne should do better. To those people I’d like to say many things but for now I think I will stick with diplomacy and say that the majority of us can’t do any better. We have given up our freedoms, we have given up our capacity to leave the house for more than 2 hours a day, we have given up so many things that ease the challenges of every day life that some take for granted which continues to impact physical, mental and spiritual health, as well as livelihoods and the livelihoods of business owners that have had to shut their doors.

Through all of this though I have definitely found that it’s true that though tough times don’t last, tough people do. Those who choose to stand in the face of adversity are forever strengthened and forged by life’s most difficult challenges. We can’t control the hand that life deals us, but we can accept or deny the obstacles placed in our path. At the end of all of this, we will be stronger, more resilient and a more compassionate community together because of the challenges we have faced and will continue to face until this pandemic is controlled. Until then though I will say; stop asking what we did on the weekends, stop telling us what you did with yours, stop saying you can travel about and do whatever you want, stop poking fun at a state that is doing it tough for a laugh at our expense. Be kind and remember that we are all only one circumstance away from being in someone else’s shoes. 🦋

Trees need hugs too

The modern society that we live in can create a lot of stress and expectation, which I find has made me turn to nature as a form of therapy, if I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed out I notice that I have an intrinsic need to be around Mother Earth and all of her gifts. Weather it be creating an indoor plant jungle or strolling through the forests to say hello to the oldest tree, or simply using the restorative and grounding energy from physically touching trees to bolster my mood and assisting my mental health.

I find myself calm, grounded and content when given the chance to connect with, sit against or place my hands on a tree, focusing on the energy they give, musing about what these beautiful giants have seen as they watch over me like my ancestors past and being grateful for the oxygen they provide. I feel It is so important to educate future generations on the importance of the natural world as well as the significance of sustainably utilising the natural wonders around us to holistically heal

According to a study performed by the Center for Environment, Health and Field Sciences, Chiba University centred on “forest bathing”, being in nature increased participants oxytocin levels, the hormone that is responsible for calming and emotional bonding and increased their serotonin and dopamine allowing the participants to experience less anxiety, hostility, fatigue, confusion, and depressive symptoms.

The study lists that “The psychological benefits of walking through forests are very significant, and forest environments are expected to have very important roles in promoting mental health in the future

Many still associate “tree hugging” as part of a hippy lifestyle, portraying those like myself as insane for speaking with and thanking Mother Nature for the gifts, however I have found the benefits to my physical, spiritual and mental health far outweigh the strange looks that I get from others when they see me talking to the trees. The natural world is a marvellous place where I am lucky enough to wander, where I am fortunate to connect with my innermost thoughts and feelings, speaking as freely as I want without judgment.

Next time you find yourself taking a meander in nature, I urge you to try it! Wishing you peace, love, light and prosperity 🦋

My favourite time of year

Although outdoor activities are limited due to the coronavirus lockdowns, I can still say without doubt that spring is definitely my favourite season. I’m enjoying the warmer weather and the ability to be able to sit in the garden and watch the bees buzzing by as well as the beautiful butterflies flitting from blossom to blossom. It’s peaceful watching these little miracles pollinate while I lay in the shadow of the big eucalyptus tree, feeling the suns rays filter through her leaves while she sways in the gentle breeze. I feel happy and contented to be afforded this simple privilege

For someone that uses nature for grounding, I’m very fortunate to live in an area with a large and luscious outdoor space. This makes for so many fond memories pottering around, propagating and repotting my indoor plants and growing my own veggies, orchard and flowers. Gardening and tending to my indoor plant jungle has definitely helped with my mental health but lets be honest it’s also just fun to play around in the earth, getting my hands dirty and leaves stuck in my hair. Times like these remind me of when I was a child, viewing everything with such wonder, feeling such joy from watching something grow and thrive. As adults we forget these little moments in life. Our lives get so busy, so noisy, that’s it’s amazing to just stop and literally smell the roses

I’ve taken time today sitting in the middle of my garden in stillness, enjoying watching the birds have a splash around in the bird bath. Enjoying the warmth of the sun and the blossoms slowly opening in her rays, just taking time for reflection, wonderment and replenishment. It’s a beautiful thing and it makes me realise how very lucky I am and keeps me humble in a way that I can sometimes lose sight of. I’m grateful for this moment. It’s such a gift to remember to be present without having to worry about what’s going to happen next

Wishing you all love and light and hoping you all have an opportunity to slow down today and enjoy the little things 🦋

Hemophobia – Blood Test Anxiety

As someone that lives with Hemaphobia I know how difficult it can be to face the fears of having a blood test. This seems trivial to others and I am often ridiculed for it, nonetheless it is a very real problem for me. In the days leading up to bloods my anxiety is heightened tenfold. I have even put off going to doctors if I have concerns because of Hemaphobia. It makes me procrastinate on the off chance I may have to have a blood test done

Today I had to have some more bloods taken and I’ve spent the last few days mentally preparing, waking early this morning to meditate to calm myself before I arrived at the hospital’s pathology lab, it seemed to work because when I arrived knowing I had to go in alone due to covid restrictions, I was ok, I was calm, I was even ok when I was in the waiting room before the testing and again once I was sat In the chair.

My palms started to sweat however when the lovely pathologist strapped the tourniquet around my left arm in addition to rubbing and tapping it because she couldn’t find a vein, she then had to strap the tourniquet around my right arm as I apparently have no veins at all in my left and continued the tapping process for what seemed like forever.

What really got the anxiety going however was when she showed me the needle she had to use in addition to telling me I had very difficult veins and the needle had to go in “up to here” while she pointed to the 6cm needle. Once the needle was in my arm she had to wiggle it around for 5 minutes until it stuck so the blood could flow.

Yep, I did almost faint, but you know what? I did it! I got through it in the end and I’m damn proud of myself for it. It seems silly to some I’m sure, even so it really taught me that life is about being afraid but doing it anyway, of being brave and facing challenges head on. You should never be ashamed of your flaws and insecurities. They are what make you uniquely you! Celebrate the small wins people, also remember to be proud of your achievements always!